17 Totally Awesome and Completely Unnecessary Amazon Products for Funeral Directors
Mar 08, 2021
Let’s face it: the past year has not been easy for funeral directors. We don’t have to tell you why. As we approach the one-year anniversary of when business as usual grinded to a halt, we’re thinking a lot about all the stressful days and sleepless nights death care professionals have lived through this year. One thing is clear: funeral directors deserve more than ever to give in to a little self-love. We here at ASD think it’s high time for you to treat yo’ self.
For those unfamiliar with the expression, it comes from the television show Parks & Recreation and refers to an annual day for embracing your spending impulses and indulging in your most extravagant whims. While your budget may not allow for the same level of reckless spending abandon that Tom and Donna exhibit on the show (unless you really want a crystal beetle brooch or velvet pants, in which case, go for it!), the point is to buy something for yourself that you want but don’t necessarily need.
With most funeral directors pressed for time these days and many people still feeling reluctant to shop in stores, we thought we’d help your fill up your Amazon wish list with a few items we think are sure to spark joy for any funeral director. These items can be ordered online and many offer free expediated shipping options. While there might not be any real practical use for most of these products, we still think they will bring you happiness, something that many of you have been deprived of lately.
So, without further ado, here are 17 somewhat useless yet totally awesome items we found on Amazon that we think funeral directors will love.
1. Funeral Service Heartbeat T-Shirt
Seriously, how cool is this T-shirt design? Most of the shirts you see created for funeral directors all have the same cliched jokes on them. I put the fun in funeral, the last one to let you down, party like a mortician and grab a cold one etc. This one doesn’t need words or lame jokes – it’s just the perfect visual representation of a service-hearted funeral director. Finally, a casual T-shirt that allows you take pride in your profession rather than make fun of it. More Info.
2. Funeral-Themed Adult Coloring Book
This really shouldn’t exist, but we hope you are as thrilled as we were to discover it does. We have no idea who is the creator behind Mortician Passion Press or what drove them to create coloring books for funeral directors but here they are! You can order four different versions of the book on Amazon, which includes “funny mortician related designs and sayings” as well as “swear word pages.” You’re welcome. More Info.
3. Life Magazine – Kennedy Funeral Issue
This is a must-have collector’s item for any funeral director. The 1963 issue of Life Magazine features photos and coverage of the historic funeral for President John F. Kennedy. Whether you display it proudly on your funeral home coffee table or keep it tucked away in your private collection, this is a vintage treasure we doubt you will regret purchasing for yourself. (Note, be sure to check Etsy if Amazon sells out of this item). More Info.
4. Hearse Wagon Wood and Metal DIY Set
Forget building model airplanes or putting ships in bottles, this DIY Hearse Wagon will let you embrace your crafty side while paying homage to the history of funeral service. Our favorite part is the coffin visible through the glass wagon. What mortician wouldn’t want to display the finished product on their desk while enjoying full bragging rights for building it? More Info.
5. Human Face Anti Stress Ball
Every funeral director needs a good stress ball and these ones bear a striking resemblance to the restorative art wax heads models you had to construct while in mortuary school. Every time you need to squeeze one, you can remember those less chaotic days when your biggest worry in the world was figuring out how to make a face out of a ball of wax. More Info.
6. Open Casket iPhone Case
Once you get past the fact that this cell phone case has a photo of a coffin but uses the word casket, it’s pretty hilarious. Just imagine how many people will crack up laughing when they see this joke as you’re taking their photo. More Info.
7. Screenholder Shower Curtain
There is a fine line between being responsive to your communications and being obsessed with screens. This shower curtain is that line. There is however one aspect of this item that we think might appeal to every on-call funeral director: you’ll no longer have to worry while you’re sudsing up if you’re missing any first calls. So, while there is a such thing as too much screen time (even for us!) this is a pretty neat way to enjoy an extra-long shower without having to worry about missing anything. More Info
8. Last Responder Hoodie
Want to make the funeral director in your life’s heart grow fonder? Get them a hoodie that recognizes them as a last responder. There are a lot of cool ‘Last Responder’ products available through both Amazon and Etsy, but we picked this one for our list because we love the look and design of the hoodie. More Info.
9. Hearse Cookie Cutter
“Death by Chocolate” cookies will never be the same again. This awesome hearse-shaped cookie cutter allows funeral directors to add their signature touch to everyone’s favorite baked good. More Info.
10. Human Organ Lunch Cooler
The perfect gag gift for a funeral director who doesn’t like to share. Just imagine the looks and conversation this hilarious lunch tote might prompt. The bag is insulated so it can keep your food and beverages cool while scaring off any unwanted moochers. More Info.
11. Tombstone Salt and Pepper Shaker Set
Spice up your kitchen with these fun and amusing Salt & Pepper headstone shakers. More Info.
12. Hearse Lapel Pin
Keep your life’s calling close to your heart with this tasteful and versatile hearse lapel pin. More Info.
13. Coffin Trinket Box
You’ll love all the details on this decorative coffin-shaped trinket box. Keep tiny objects like bobby pins, tie bars, jewelry, or office supplies secure while adding a great conversation piece to your desk. (Ladies: You could even order these matching and super cute coffin earrings to go inside.) More Info.
14. Embalming Room Coffee Mug
Could there be a more perfect coffee mug for your prep room? More Info.
15. I Can’t I’m On Call Shirt
Tired of having to explain again and again why you can’t attend a party or take an unplanned vacation? Let your T-shirt do the talking for you. This is a must for every funeral director’s wardrobe. We love the tongue-in-cheek way it conveys how much dedication and commitment is required to be a funeral director. More Info.
16. Diecast Cadillac Hearse
What funeral director doesn’t want this tiny antique model hearse adorning their desk or shelf? Use it as a paperweight, decoration or for those times when you just need something to keep your hands busy. More Info.
17. Coffin Shaped Shelf
It doesn’t have to be Halloween to break out the coffin-shaped décor. For fans of gothic style, this awesome “oddities shelf” adds a wonderful conversation piece to any room. More Info.
That completes our list of super fun, slightly impractical products we think funeral directors should check out on Amazon. Know of any cool items we might have missed? Leave a comment below to share your recommendations.
About The Author
Jess Farren (Fowler)
Jess Farren (Fowler) is a Public Relations Specialist and Staff Writer who has been a part of the ASD team since 2003. Jess manages ASD's company blog and has been published in several funeral trade magazines. She has written articles on a variety of subjects including communication, business planning, technology, marketing and funeral trends. You can contact Jess directly at Jess@myASD.com